THE UNEVOLVED CHROMOSOME:
I have a theory. It is decidedly unscientifically tested. But if were to be proven; the ramifications would be truly world-shifting. Ready? Wait for it….
Ok The chromosome pair that defines a woman as a woman is the XX chromosome. The male chromosome is XY. Now if you look at the Y chromosome, its clearly missing a leg i.e. the chromosome, hence it is not as evolved if you will. This begs the question: what is on the missing fourth leg of the Y chromosome that is included in the female X chromosome? Allow me to enumerate.
A) The ability to follow up on plans without excessive prodding.
B) The ability to listen compassionately without having to fix an issue:. Just because I am talking, does not mean you can do anything or for that matter, that I want you to do anything.
C) The ability to ask for directions. Nuff said
D) The desire for true emotional connection with their mates, friends, etc.
E) The ability to have true emotional connection with their mates, friends etc.
F) The ability to think with their cerebellums instead of their vaginas.
G) The ability to distinguish shades of gray, cream, white etc.: i.e. eggshell white is different from ivory.
H) The ability to differentiate between shoes: oxfords, pumps, platforms and peep-toes.
I) The knowledge to train ahem their monkeys, I’m sorry, their mates.
J) The ability to take care of sick children, do dishes, laundry, dinner etc. without whining.
K) The knowledge that doing stuff like changing a car’s oil is dirty, and uncomfortable. Isn’t there a trained monkey around?
L) On the flip side, of the above advantages: there are definite disadvantages i.e. the propensity to obsess to a degree indescribable with mere words. Why hasn’t he called? Did I have bad breath?
M) That whole time of the month thing. Seriously. The urge to rip someone’s face off from the neck up, is never more prevalent than during the time of the month.
N) Periods. Let me count the ways they suck. They are dirty. They cause bloating. They cause cramps. They make us the aforementioned cranky, pissy, etc.
O) Our propensity for asking trick questions: “Do I look fat in this?” and “She’s cute, isn’t she?” Trust me. Men cannot win.
P) The ability to hold a grudge until the end of time: “you remember when you forgot to take the trash out in 1986? Well that really hurt my feelings!” ummm..yeah…
Q) Inability to program VCR’s, remote controls, cell phones to ring the Star Wars theme whenever someone whose names begin with an N rings. I never knew how important that was.
I am sure there are more advantages and disadvantages that are not listed here. The point of the blog is to illustrate that the differences between males and femles are definitely housed in that missing fourth leg. I truly believe that God (Jehovah, Allah , whatever.) tried to even the score by making the choice of male vs female chromosomes the purview of the contributing male chromosome. Else the scales are definitely tipped in woman’s favor. That’s just how I see it..
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Rejection
Rejection: Nasty word. Loneliness: another nasty word. Both of these words are descriptive of recent dumb actions on my part. A little confession: I dated someone recently who we shall call F. After spending the evening together, making plans for the following Friday, and getting that “Love to Love ya Babaaayyyy “ feeling, to my surprise,I get a text (again with the dang texting!) that his girlfriend (notice I did not say ex-girlfriend) has left her husband and shown up at his door at 1:00 am bags in hand. Furthermore, he feels he “really needs to see where this goes.” Oh you know I have to dissect this one!
To be honest, I knew he had issues with his girlfriend. I was under the impression he was ready to end it. I knew that there was a chance that the girlfriend would rear her ugly head (really I have no idea if it is ugly or not). But this was a chance I took. Sigh.
I hear Jerry Springer on my other line. Now stepping away from own stupidity which I do indeed, own. Let’s contemplate for a moment the dynamics just ripe for my analysis.
G/ F leaves her husband for a dude that she has known two months. Apparently, this is a recurring pattern for her. That is she has a history of cheating on her husband with a variety of partners both male and female. Yeah, she’s that kind of chick, people.
She leaves her husband, a man with whom she has a legal binding marriage subject to all the acrimonious property division that entails, a man with whom she shares a common history, (however painful, dishonest or crappy it may have been), for a dude that she has known for two months. Oh did I mention she also has a girlfriend who is “the other man.” You are forgiven if you are confused at this point. I know I am: He’s dating her, who is married to him( sub 1) who is not aware of other him (Sub 2) or her (Sub 3) for that matter “and the colored girls sing doo-de-doo, de doo, doo de doooooo…”
Now I hate to be knocking on a fellow woman. However this scenario is absolutely rife with commenting possibilities. Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa.
First of all, you know the adage: don’t be going after someone who is willing to cheat on their significant other for you? Well let’s call that a law. Shall we? Let’s go through my reasoning. A person marries another person. Theoretically, it’s for life. A person grows how shall we say: disenfranchised with their spouse and starts looking for some nookie- nookie on the side. Said disenfranchised individual finds the nookie-nookie action with an individual. Said individual, may or may not be extremely naïve in thinking that the afore-mentioned disenfranchised person will a) leave their current spouse for him /her and b) that they would not do the exact same thing him / her. C) Do you really want to be with someone who has the morals of an alley cat? Seriously people: It’s time to call a spade a spade. We as a society of gotten way too loosey goosey with our expectations for things like, oh I don’t know: fidelity, morality. Yes. I am saying it FIDELITY. Say it with me now. FIDELITY.
I am sick and tired of this attitude of “oh I am a victim, I can get away with doing anything I want because, I have had crap happen to me in my childhood.” To this I say: BULLSHIT. Buck up people!!! Own your own stuff!!! No one is responsible for your stupid decisions, except you. Furthermore, society, whether individually or as a group will no longer facilitate that attitude. I am calling it. That’s it we, as a society, are DONE. We have all had shit happen to us. Guess what. There are people out there that are surviving and thriving without falling back on that tired old rag of an excuse. I may be dating myself here, but I grew up with the understanding that if you get married, even if you don’t like that person much five years later, you stay married. Marriage is for life. Period. End of Story. Divorce happens. Sort of like shit happens. But guess what? You don’t go into a marriage thinking, oh if it doesn’t work out, (i.e. if my spouse gets tired of pandering to my victim mentality, or I get tired of his / her victim mentality), we can always get a Divorce. No, people, you can’t . There are way too many kids who are products of broken homes. Yes I did use the words broken homes. It’s time we as a society started thinking about what sort of example we are setting for our children. Do we really want our children to grow up in a world with no sense of personal responsibility, with no sense of security or sense of consequence? It’s time that we as a society started growing up and owning our own crap. That’s just how see it.
To be honest, I knew he had issues with his girlfriend. I was under the impression he was ready to end it. I knew that there was a chance that the girlfriend would rear her ugly head (really I have no idea if it is ugly or not). But this was a chance I took. Sigh.
I hear Jerry Springer on my other line. Now stepping away from own stupidity which I do indeed, own. Let’s contemplate for a moment the dynamics just ripe for my analysis.
G/ F leaves her husband for a dude that she has known two months. Apparently, this is a recurring pattern for her. That is she has a history of cheating on her husband with a variety of partners both male and female. Yeah, she’s that kind of chick, people.
She leaves her husband, a man with whom she has a legal binding marriage subject to all the acrimonious property division that entails, a man with whom she shares a common history, (however painful, dishonest or crappy it may have been), for a dude that she has known for two months. Oh did I mention she also has a girlfriend who is “the other man.” You are forgiven if you are confused at this point. I know I am: He’s dating her, who is married to him( sub 1) who is not aware of other him (Sub 2) or her (Sub 3) for that matter “and the colored girls sing doo-de-doo, de doo, doo de doooooo…”
Now I hate to be knocking on a fellow woman. However this scenario is absolutely rife with commenting possibilities. Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa.
First of all, you know the adage: don’t be going after someone who is willing to cheat on their significant other for you? Well let’s call that a law. Shall we? Let’s go through my reasoning. A person marries another person. Theoretically, it’s for life. A person grows how shall we say: disenfranchised with their spouse and starts looking for some nookie- nookie on the side. Said disenfranchised individual finds the nookie-nookie action with an individual. Said individual, may or may not be extremely naïve in thinking that the afore-mentioned disenfranchised person will a) leave their current spouse for him /her and b) that they would not do the exact same thing him / her. C) Do you really want to be with someone who has the morals of an alley cat? Seriously people: It’s time to call a spade a spade. We as a society of gotten way too loosey goosey with our expectations for things like, oh I don’t know: fidelity, morality. Yes. I am saying it FIDELITY. Say it with me now. FIDELITY.
I am sick and tired of this attitude of “oh I am a victim, I can get away with doing anything I want because, I have had crap happen to me in my childhood.” To this I say: BULLSHIT. Buck up people!!! Own your own stuff!!! No one is responsible for your stupid decisions, except you. Furthermore, society, whether individually or as a group will no longer facilitate that attitude. I am calling it. That’s it we, as a society, are DONE. We have all had shit happen to us. Guess what. There are people out there that are surviving and thriving without falling back on that tired old rag of an excuse. I may be dating myself here, but I grew up with the understanding that if you get married, even if you don’t like that person much five years later, you stay married. Marriage is for life. Period. End of Story. Divorce happens. Sort of like shit happens. But guess what? You don’t go into a marriage thinking, oh if it doesn’t work out, (i.e. if my spouse gets tired of pandering to my victim mentality, or I get tired of his / her victim mentality), we can always get a Divorce. No, people, you can’t . There are way too many kids who are products of broken homes. Yes I did use the words broken homes. It’s time we as a society started thinking about what sort of example we are setting for our children. Do we really want our children to grow up in a world with no sense of personal responsibility, with no sense of security or sense of consequence? It’s time that we as a society started growing up and owning our own crap. That’s just how see it.
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